A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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