and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
