he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
