I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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