I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
