Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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