You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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