Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
