DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
