I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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