wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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