I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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