Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
