Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
