I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
