Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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