He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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