i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
