I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
