I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
