Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I wish I could teleport
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
