I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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