it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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