I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
