I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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