Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
