I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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