i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Houston, we have a blender
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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