its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
