drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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