Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Randomize
