we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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