you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
