Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
