Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
is wine microwaveable?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
