You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Randomize
