Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Randomize
