Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
