When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
