I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
