I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
