we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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