Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
