I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
