I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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