Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
