I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
