the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
