my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Randomize
