At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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