operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
