Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
