Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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