she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
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